HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY CALEB!
Happy 1st birthday to my son- my first born!
I have thought about writing this blog post for the past few weeks leading up to your birthday and I have always felt a little stuck at what to write simply because I am in absolute awe of the fact that 365 days have passed since you made your entrance into this world.
I remember the moment the sonographer told me that we were having a boy.
I couldn't articulate my feelings- truly. I was elated, and yet my first thoughts were- wow, what am I
going to do with a boy?
You felt so foreign to me- although I knew you and loved you.
There is so much to say. Yet I find myself so unravelled at the magnitude of it. The magnitude of you.
God you have been too kind to Stan and I. To permit us to experience the challenge and immense beauty that comes with parenting another soul. How grateful I am that I am alive to celebrate my son’s first birthday.
Caleb, I look back at your new born photos almost everyday because in so many ways I am still in disbelief that I co created another person. I remember your sweet new born smell, your soft cries, and how your lips would quiver as your cry became louder.
You were and are so stunning to me.
You are beautifully stained.
With so many flaws and shortcomings, yet you reflect something so intricately glorious.
Caleb, you are growing to be so independent and confident, and it has been a complete joy seeing your personality begin to evolve. I watch you as you are beginning to discover the world and I can’t quite believe how much of a genius God is. You are inquisitive, a fast learner, bold, and such a sociable and self-assured child!
Your first year
The first year of your life has been a remarkable year of development leaps, milestones, and “almost” moments, and I am so grateful to bear witness to them all. In many ways you intimidate me, because you are growing so quickly, and I hope that I can stay ahead of you!
You are a leader. You are passionate. You are strong, independent and sure.
Your name means “wholehearted”, and it is our prayer that you grow up choosing to follow and
serve Jesus wholeheartedly.
He is the culmination of all that we search for, and only in Him do we find true fulfilment, joy and purpose in this life and eternity.
Far be it from me that I'll become so preoccupied with the externals- the clothes, shoes, socials, and
constant photographs, that I am blinded to the most crucial part of YOU. The essence of a developing
character and personality to be shepherded to know and love God.
I pray that I can nurture these qualities and strengths in you as you grow to lead your own home, community and family should the Lord permit in the future. You are worthy of my sacrifice. Me dying several deaths. Of this I am sure.
You have stretched me. And I bear the marks. My capacity has widened, my well deepened, my incapability’s have been brought to the surface, and my hope in God has been refreshed.
I cannot adequately steward you for God without His wisdom, and without eternity being my goal and hearts ambition. I know that I am not alone in this equation of mothering and shepherding.
Oh, it is far much bigger than us, and requires another effort unmatched.
Thank you, Lord, for your eagerness to come alongside us as we figure things out and lean into You for strength and wisdom, in order to pour back into our homes.
Caleb you are mine only by physicality, but everything else about the essence of who you are
belongs to God. You are the Lord’s. I can’t hold onto you too tightly.
But my darling boy. You better believe that I will never leave you behind. I will always fight for you.
I am standing at the front line, and I will take that step. I will fight for you to know Jesus personally, to realise your potential, and for you to be a good man full of integrity and faith. You are legacy!
You have taught me so much this 1st year of being a mother to you.
Thank you for stretching me, and challenging me to be and do better, as I teach you. Only Jesus can take our lives, and what training we give, feeble as it is, and multiply it a thousand times in your heart. May this be your portion!
Happy 1 st birthday Caleby!!
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