THE MAN, THE RING, OR THE WEDDING DAY?
I don’t know about you lady, but I suddenly sense a huge surge of weddings, proposals and incredible honeymoons happening all around me. Have you noticed it too? It seems like social media is full of weddings weddings weddings! It is truly beautiful seeing and (literally witnessing via hashtags) individuals making the life changing decision of entering into covenant with one another.
In the midst of all the buzz, excitement and congratulations, I cannot help but wonder how it feels for those who are yet to marry, those who are engaged and even those who are married. Does all this excitement about dresses, venues, rings and the best entertainment in town somehow turn our gaze (even if fleetingly) away from the magnitude and weight of the actual marriage itself?
This topic has been on my heart from the moment I started planning my own wedding last year.
I have overheard and been in the midst of several conversations among single and engaged ladies which consist of a lot of squeals, excitement and chatter about the ring, the proposal, and plans for the big day. I love all that talk, and as women it can be so thrilling to work on something that will create incredible memories for years to come.
In the midst of a particular conversation that I had when I was planning my own wedding, it suddenly struck me that perhaps we can fall into the temptation of giving a lot of attention to the externals, without devoting as much time on the actual relationship which is what endures long after the vows have been exchanged, the guests have arrived and departed, and the cake has been cut.
In our social media saturated world it is pretty much impossible not to see and swoon over the lavish and extravagant weddings that others share with us. Sharing is caring right? I have gleaned a lot of valuable tips from others and have literally gasped at some of the most stunning looking weddings that I personally have ever seen. However, in my swooning I discovered something else growing inside of me: discontentment, lack of focus and comparison. Have you experienced this?
I then started to wonder. Do I want the man? The ring? Or the wedding day? Of course I said the man. Where then did this feeling of discontentment for my portion come from?
If you dug deep into your heart. Would you be slyly upset if you received an engagement ring that was a totally different design to what you would have chosen for yourself? Would you feel like your wedding experience was less because your cake was ordered from M&S?
Many of us know and would agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong with an M&S cake, or a £50 engagement ring if it came from the heart of our beloved, and yet if this was our own experience against other peoples’ more lavish experiences, I wonder how we would truly feel?
Whether you are single, courting, engaged or married, I would like you to join me on a deep heart search. As incredible as the experiences of others are, we must guard our hearts against falling into the trap of measuring our own with theirs. In doing so we place an unnecessary burden upon our intended as well as ourselves, and we lose focus of the most important thing: The two individuals coming before God.
Do you know how incredible, powerful and divine marriage is? Do you know the power that God grants two people when they touch and agree under Him? It is colossal. You see, the actual union before Him is what is precious. Not the ring. Not the venue, and certainly not the dress and cake. They are all beautiful expressions of the most significant thing. It is the coming together, the joining of two to one another in God until death parts you.
Do we trade in this precious thing by making idols out of its objects of expression?
How can we be excited – and be demanding an out of this world proposal, ring, and wedding when we haven’t even adequately laid the foundation of Christ within ourselves and our relationship?
God requires us to wrestle with this, and develop more depth in Him. We need to bring more to our marriages than beautiful pictures of the day and the honeymoon. If we don’t, we place undue pressure on our partners, and ourselves. All sorts of insecurities crop up and remain if we do not release comparison and shallow things from our hearts. Admire and be happy about objects, but release the grip they have on your heart.
“Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness” (Psalms 115:1)
Praying for God’s best for you
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